Come to my concert!!

I will be performing live today at the largest arena in town! Bring your family and print this free ticket for each of them. See you there!




Again, another reason why nothing you see online should be taken at face value. ;) Visit this site to make your own tickets and funny stuff!

Factory option turn signals DRIVE ME NUTS!!!

I don't know why the automotive industry didn't install turn signals on every vehicle they make. Whenever I get a vehicle inspected by the state they always check to see if my blinkers work, so how are they getting away with this??

I'm only assuming that they are factory options, of course. I mean, they must be since so many drivers aren't using them. You would have to be inconsiderate on a gallactic level to drive around without using them when they are right there next to your hand. Are people afraid that they will drop their cell phone if they signal while turning or something? Do we need to find a better place for the lever so it is easier for people?

I was driving with a friend in Dallas once and she was trying to merge onto the freeway. The traffic wouldn't let her in and she was going a little crazy with frustration. I told her that it might help if she used her signal so that people would know her intentions and she looked at me, quite seriously mind you, and said "We don't use our signals in Dallas." Wha?? So as a society it is ok and accepted that people are just going to cut in front of you or veer out of traffic without warning? Ok..... Now I know why traffic is so crazy in Dallas. Now I know why they have exit ramps on the left side of the freeway that just loop up and around only to dump you back on the same road but now in the right lane. You can't cut across 8 lanes of traffic without using your signals and since nobody uses them there they have to find other ways to get across the traffic.

Here is what I would like to do. I'd like to create bumper stickers that lower your insurance if you have one on your car. The bumper sticker would say something like "Use your freaking turn signals you jerk!" Nobody wearing a bumper sticker like that would survive two minutes if they weren't using their signals. You can't call out a behavior as being unacceptable and then proceed to follow the crowd in breaking the law. Better yet, here is one you can buy and use right now. All I'm asking is that people start using their signals. Is that too much?

The Science of Flavor

Have you ever wondered why certain things taste better than others? Take a cheeseburger for example. What makes a Burger King’s burger taste different than a Wendy’s burger? Sometimes it is in the ingredients, but seriously… how much different can you really make a burger. The ingredients are pretty much the same for all of them. Bread, meat, tomato, cheese, pickles, lettuce, and ketchup. Sure you can add bacon or mustard or some secret sauce and make it taste different, but if you took a burger from Wendy’s with the same junk on it as a burger from Burger King’s then my bet is that you would be able to easily tell which was which. So what are the differences?

The first thing I notice is the size of the ingredients. Wendy’s typically uses thicker buns and often times thicker meat. They put more sauce on it and the lettuce is usually whole pieces instead of shredded. Those are significant differences to taste buds that thrive on quantity. See, the reason one tastes different from the other is because of the proportion of the ingredients and not necessarily the ingredients themselves. Proportion is where the science of flavor really lives.

I worked for this great little burger place growing up called the Soda Shoppe. I worked there after school for a little over a year. I started right before school got out my Junior year and I worked there till a couple weeks after I graduated and got the hell out of Dodge. Anyway, while I was there I was able to work every station in the place. I really liked working the front counter though. That was the station that got to make the shakes. Sometimes if it was really busy we would have someone up front taking orders and another person doing the drinks and working the drive through window. Either way, on slow days (which was expected any day where the weather wasn’t good or on Sundays) we would experiment with the food. Sometimes we would try to create a new sandwich and other times we would play with the shakes. I still remember the Camel Puke shake that we created… I’m sure it tasted just like the real thing.

On one particularly slow Sunday I started thinking about what life would be like if you had to drink all of your food through a straw. Would you have to swear off cheeseburgers, or was there a way to still eat them. There was only one way to find out. ;) I made one and threw it in the shake machine. I tasted it before I put it in there and it was delicious. When it came out it wasn’t. I don’t need to disgust you with the details, but my assumption that it would taste the same since all the ingredients are still the same was totally wrong. That was when I discovered that it wasn’t about the ingredients. It was about the proportion of those ingredients. When you equalize everything and get the same proportion in every bite it just doesn’t taste the same. The reason a cheeseburger tastes like it does is because of the amount of bread to meat to cheese to everything else. The reason a Burger King burger is different from a Wendy’s burger is because they are using different proportions. That thicker bun makes a difference. That lettuce changes things. The size and amount of the tomato and ketchup and pickles and everything makes a huge difference.

I remember that my dad told me once that the burgers I made didn’t taste the same as the ones that other people made at the Soda Shoppe. I couldn’t figure out why. I mean, I’m using the same ingredients and the same buns and everything. I thought about that and discovered that it was because I was putting things on a little differently. I would spiral the ketchup and mustard in from the outside instead of just zig zaging it across the meat. I put three pickles in a clover formation on the meat instead of just stacking them up on top of the lettuce. The reason that mine tasted different was because when you bit into it you got a different proportion of the ingredients. Odd how that works…

I’ll tell you a place that has proportion figured out and that is Blue Bell Creamery. If you haven’t had Blue Bell ice cream then you haven’t lived. The stuff is beyond compare. My favorite flavor is Banana Split. I’ve tasted other ‘banana split’ flavor brands, but they don’t have it right. They are using banana flavored ice cream for one. Blech! Whoever heard of a banana split using banana flavored ice cream??? Sacrilege! The beauty of a banana split is the proportion of banana to ice cream to chocolate to whatever else. It isn’t something you can just blend up in a bucket. Similar to my cheeseburger experiment, if you blended up the ingredients of a banana split it would taste nothing like one. Blue Bell has captured the science of the flavor in a banana split and made it so when you spoon it out you actually get the right proportions. It is absolutely amazing! I’m probably only a fan because it has that unique flavor that you usually have to assemble yourself instead of buying in a bucket, but either way it is probably the best flavor ice cream I’ve ever had. MMMMMM!!!

Never believe anything you see...

You've heard that you shouldn't believe everything you read, right? Don't forget that you can't believe anything you see in photos either.

Case in point... It is fall and I love taking pictures of my kids in the leaves from the big tree in our front yard. This tree turns from green to yellow in about a two week time frame and all of the leaves are gone within three weeks from the time the first one fell. This creates some really pretty colors on my lawn and great photo opportunities. I've taken my kids' pictures in these leaves each fall since they were born. We moved here shortly before Erik turned 1 and I haven't missed a fall yet. The pictures I get in these leaves are some of my favorite pictures I've ever taken of my kids.

Well, this year I had loaned my camera to my in-laws who had an event they were attending. So I had to borrow one from a neighbor on short notice and went right to work taking pictures. There is a particular time of day that I take all the pictures in and this causes them all to have similar qualities. Call it an OCD thing, but I have to have the pictures look the same in the backgrounds so they will work best in the collage I have planned someday in the future when I have a dozen or so of these pictures taken. I just think it will be cool to have a photographic record of them in the leaves. If we stay in this house forever (which I honestly wouldn't mind) then perhaps someday they will be able to bring their kids to take pictures in the leaves too. If I could have one wish then it would be that. Here are a few examples from years past.

2004

2005

2006

2007

This year I tried to get all three kids in a picture, but Adrienne doesn't always like to smile and Parker didn't like the leaves and Erik was too distracted... The list of reasons that it wasn't working out perfectly goes on and on. So I figured I'd just get as many pictures as I could and then I'd create the perfect picture later.

The first attempt with all three kids didn't go very well. I couldn't get them to look at me and Parker certianly didn't like the leaves.

Yeah, not exactly what I had in mind. So I took the eyes off some other pictures and a face from Parker that I liked better and started playing around. I didn't really finish this picture because Jennifer had a better idea that turned out better. You get the idea of where it was going though.

Ok, so not bad, but they aren't smiling very big. I wanted a better smile on Adrienne's face for one, but I wouldn't mind all three of them looking happy. So I decided to take this picture...

...and add another little body in it. :) I kept the face enhancements on Parker and just cut the rest of the body out and slapped it on this picture. Not too shabby. I still need to finish the coloring on the lower part of Parker's face, but honestly... If you didn't know he wasn't supposed to be in that picture, could you tell that this was a photoshop job?

2008

So there is your reason not to trust anything that you see in photography. I won't say that it is exactly easy to do that kind of thing, but it certianly isn't hard. If you have the right tools and you know what you are doing then it is really quite simple. We'll have to have a discussion on the difference between 'easy' and 'simple' sometime in the future, but for now I just wanted to give you those examples and show off my cute little leaf bugs. :)

It's about freaking time!!!

I knew it was going to take a massive court order to get the credit reporting agencies to do their jobs. Finally there might be progress. A recent judgment against the three major credit bureaus (TransUnion, Equifax, and Experian) requires them to delete all forgiven debts showing on the credit report. This includes accounts that were included in bankruptcy. One of the major problems I faced while working as a paralegal for one of the largest credit repair organizations in the country was in getting these types of accounts deleted. They were included in a bankruptcy and were easy to verify. The bureaus often didn't even bother investigating them since it seems pretty obvious to them that the information is accurate.

BREAKING NEWS!! They have until October 1st to comply with Judge David O. Carter's order to "revamp their systems," writes Jane J. Kim on the Wall Street Journal's finance blog. Now if you're in debt trouble, you can look forward (?) to having either unpaid debts on your credit report, or a bankruptcy filing, but hopefully no longer both at the same time. How is that for progress? All I can say is that it is about freaking time!!

Here is another great scam, speaking of fraud. I remember something similar happening several years back where people would put up fake ATMs in public locations. People would put their cards in and enter their PIN. The ATM would tell them it was out of order and to try somewhere else. Later on the fraudsters would come back to collect the ATM and load all the read account numbers from the magnetic strips onto dummy cards that are easily purchased. Now they have a working debit card and your PIN and can empty your account at will. Pretty clever, eh? Well that is too high tech for some fraudsters. Here is what I read on another blogger's site.

Next time you use a bank machine, check closely to make sure it’s the real thing. Cops in San Francisco report that thieves are now installing fake overlays on banking ATMs. The fakes swallow your card, record your PIN, and report that they’re out of service; the thieves show up later to remove the fake overlay and harvest the cards and collected PINs.

As crimes go, I gotta had it to these scam artists: That takes work. It’s also quite successful, according to a story in last week’s San Francisco Examiner:

"Daly City nurse Elaine Flaherty’s ATM card was swallowed at a Washington Mutual bank in the West Portal district March 13, and within hours thieves had milked $4,000 from the card, using it from San Mateo to Los Angeles."

After poking around online a bit, I discovered a fascinating summary written up by Diebold — the leading manufacturer of ATMs — of the latest card-scamming techniques (PDF link). Some of the tricks are pretty low-fi. In some cases, the scam artists put a simple jamming device on the ATM’s card-slot that gets the card stuck inside. Then they put a fake sticker on the ATM saying that “if your card doesn’t work, try typing your PIN again”, which gives the shoulder-surfing thieves a chance to watch and remember it again. When you give up and walk away, they retrieve your card and withdraw all your cash. But some of the cons are more high-tech. In some cases, the criminals also put a fake 12-button keypad over the ATM’s real keypad; their fake records your PIN. And that artificial overlay for the entire machine, pictured above, is the ne plus ultra of this flimflammery.

It occurs to me that one of the reasons the fake overlays work is that real ATMs these days are often so shoddily designed that they already look fake. Sure, the ATMs embedded into the side of banks are usually pretty gleaming and high-tech. But the bank machines you find in crummy corner bodegas, composed of cheap aluminum and early-80s-vintage all-green video displays? Those things look like badly-assembled droids from the first Star Wars. No wonder it’s so easy to dupe banking customers. Using materials I’ve got lying around my kitchen, I could probably create a reasonable facsimile of the ATMs in most Manhattan bagel shops.

Again, my advice to you is to watch your back and be careful out there. It is a world of opportunists who don't have the morality that you might expect them to.

Fraud, I say!! FRAUD!!!

The idea of fraud has been on my mind today. Possibly that has to do with certian work related projects and discussions I'm involved with, but more likely because I have a criminal mind and just can't stop seeing the angles.

A co-worker burned herself in the cafeteria today. The soup was incredibly hot and she suffered a second degree burn because of it. She isn't going to do anything beyond her visit to the office nurse, but someone with a devious mind would see this as an opportunity to take it a step further. Maybe I decide to go down there and burn myself too. That would be the second incident of their soup causing damage. One person can be ignored, but as soon as someone can say "Others are being burned too!" the situation changes. It is a chance to benefit off something that should just be endured as part of life.

Not always do we have to endure injustice though. I'm sure you have heard about the lady that was burned by spilling MacDonald's coffee on herself in her car. I have read the court documents from the case and it is much more than what most people think. A lot of people who bring that up think that it was just some bratty lady that got mad because she spilled something on her dress. Oh no, my friend. That lady was seriously damaged by this incident. The facts of the case, which caused a jury of six men and six women to find McDonald's coffee was unreasonably dangerous and had caused enough human misery and suffering that no one should be made to suffer exposure to such excessively hot coffee again, will shock and amaze you:

McFact No. 1: For years, McDonald's had known they had a problem with the way they make their coffee - that their coffee was served much hotter (at least 20 degrees more so) than at other restaurants.

McFact No. 2: McDonald's knew its coffee sometimes caused serious injuries - more than 700 incidents of scalding coffee burns in the past decade have been settled by the Corporation - and yet they never so much as consulted a burn expert regarding the issue.

McFact No. 3: The woman involved in this infamous case suffered very serious injuries - third degree burns on her groin, thighs and buttocks that required skin grafts and a seven-day hospital stay.

McFact No. 4: The woman, an 81-year old former department store clerk who had never before filed suit against anyone, said she wouldn't have brought the lawsuit against McDonald's had the Corporation not dismissed her request for compensation for medical bills.

McFact No. 5: A McDonald's quality assurance manager testified in the case that the Corporation was aware of the risk of serving dangerously hot coffee and had no plans to either turn down the heat or to post warning about the possibility of severe burns, even though most customers wouldn't think it was possible.

McFact No. 6: After careful deliberation, the jury found McDonald's was liable because the facts were overwhelmingly against the company. When it came to the punitive damages, the jury found that McDonald's had engaged in willful, reckless, malicious, or wanton conduct, and rendered a punitive damage award of 2.7 million dollars. (The equivalent of just two days of coffee sales, McDonalds Corporation generates revenues in excess of 1.3 million dollars daily from the sale of its coffee, selling 1 billion cups each year.)

McFact No. 7: On appeal, a judge lowered the award to $480,000, a fact not widely publicized in the media.

McFact No. 8: A report in Liability Week, September 29, 1997, indicated that Kathleen Gilliam, 73, suffered first degree burns when a cup of coffee spilled onto her lap. Reports also indicate that McDonald's consistently keeps its coffee at 185 degrees, still approximately 20 degrees hotter than at other restaurants. Third degree burns occur at this temperature in just two to seven seconds, requiring skin grafting, debridement and whirlpool treatments that cost tens of thousands of dollars and result in permanent disfigurement, extreme pain and disability to the victims for many months, and in some cases, years.

So not every lawsuit is the attempt of some morally corrupt individual trying to take advantage of someone. However, with that being said there is a lot of danger out there to watch out for. Here is some information from a lawfirm in Houston, Texas regarding insurance fraud and how people perpetrate it. This is something that can impact every single one of us, so listen up.

Causing Accidents - Methods Used

“Swoop and squat” a/k/a “Squat and stoop”

Variation 1: Two cars act in concert to cause an accident, usually involving a truck. The first car slams on its brakes abruptly while driving in front of the truck while the other car is traveling beside the truck, forcing the truck into a collision.

Variation 2: Two cars act in concert to cause an accident, usually involving a truck on a freeway or multi-lane road. While the first car travels in front of the truck, the second car cuts off the first car causing the first car to slam on its brakes to avoid the second car. As a result, the truck rear-ends the first car and is also a witness to the phantom car that caused the first car to stop abruptly.

Variation 3: One car quickly cuts in front of an insured driver and brakes, causing a rear-end collision. In March of 2006, the Los Angeles Times reported that this type of fraud may again be on the rise in the Miami and Los Angeles areas.

Start and Stop – From a stop, a vehicle directly in front starts to move forward and then stops abruptly for no reason causing a rear-end collision.

T-Bone – While an insured driver is crossing an intersection, a driver traveling on the cross street accelerates to make contact with the company vehicle. The assumption is that a company vehicle is insured by the corporation and has much deeper pockets than a typical driver on the road.

Waving in/on a/k/a Drive down– While the insured vehicle is attempting to merge/turn/etc. another car waives the insured on, then intentionally causes an accident and claims no indication was given to the insured vehicle to proceed.

Non-existent accidents – An individual takes down all of the pertinent information of a vehicle traveling on a road at particular time and then reports to the company owning the vehicle that this vehicle forced him off of the road. The individual produces a vehicle with damage and makes a claim.

A particular individual using this scheme was indicted on 24 felony charges and 76 misdemeanors for claims totaling over $70,000

Side Swipes – at a multiple lane turn area, a vehicle purposely side swipes an insured driver that has turned wide. While the liability may be legitimate if a driver has traveled outside of the proper lane of travel, the damages should be carefully scrutinized. In any instance where it appears that a criminal may have purposely failed to avoid or caused an accident.

Paranoid yet? You're looking around you while you are driving and thinking everybody is out to get you now, aren't you. Well that is because THEY ARE!! We are surrounded by fraudsters just trying to get into our pockets and into our insurance companies. With the economy turning down the way it is, people are just going to get more desperate for money. Schemes like those mentioned are the acts of desperate and morally deprived people. Don't think that just because your brain doesn't work this way that nobody else's does. My brain works this way, but I was blessed with a value system that doesn't allow me to act on it. I can see the angles, but I never act on them. I just point them out. Watch your backs, everybody.