So it is currently about 3:30 in the morning on Saturday, August 20th, 2016. I've had six hours of sleep in the last 2 days and I'm a little sleepy. For some reason the spell check isn't working in Chrome right now and whatever part of my brain knows why isn't working right now. So the following post is a creation of a sleep deprived brain and no spell check. Good luck reading it.
On Tuesday my little sister called me and told me that our mom was really sick. She is battling cancer right now and she wound up in the hospital after chemo. Her problem is that she gets infections very easily. Add that to the fact that chemo supresses your imune system and it is a formula for hospitalization. The problem is compounded by the fact that she came in with pneumonia. It's just not a good deal. So I'm sitting there at work on Tuesday looking for flights from Salt Lake to Hartford as soon as possible. That turned out to be on Wednesday morning. Allison didn't say we were circling the wagons or anything, but when you tell me that someone who has he medical history of my mother has pneumonia and now her kidneys are shutting down, there isn't much to think about.
I flew out at 7:20 on Wednesday morning on the most direct path I could find to Connecticut. Hartford ended up being the best spot to land, so that's where I went. My dad picked me up at about 3:30 that afternoon and drove back to his house so I could take his car back to the hospital. I don't know the geography here at all, but wherever Hartford is it is like 30 minutes from my dad's house. He is kind of in the middle of the state and Milford, where my mom is, is somewhere south of that. The GPS in his car took me basically straight through town to get there. It was about an hour of driving even though it was only 20 or 30 miles away. That's fine. The drivers here scare me and I'd rather not miss an exit and get totally lost.
I got here and Mike was in the room with my mom. She was pretty out of it, but I had a chance to talk to her a little bit. She wasn't talking well because of the medicine they give her to help her relax. Her speech was really slurred. It sort of sounded like somoene who just got back from the dentist and their tounge was still numb. She was very puffy beause she is retaining fluids that her failing kidneys can't process out of her body. I didn't get to talk with her for very long before the nurses needed to move her around a bit, so Mike and I went to a waiting room to chat for a bit. He gave me the bare truth of the situation. It wasn't a good prognosis.
...Just about fell asleep there for a second. It's a really good thing I'm not driving right now. In fact, that is one of the reasons I'm still here. If I had to drive back to mom's house right now I would probably crash on the side of the road. But if I curl up on the couch here and mom needs some ice chips or something, then basically I would feel like a jerk for not being able to stay awake. This is sort of a really wrong metaphor, but I feel like the situation when Jesus went to the garden and kept coming back to wake the apostles up. How bad must he have felt that he was going through so much agony and he just wanted his friends to be there to support him and they couldn't even stay awake. He was down there paying for their sins so they could return home and they couldn't even stay awake to be there sending him good vibes. That had to hurt a little. So if my mom needs me then I'm going to be here for her. I actually did the math a minute ago (no small feat even when i'm wide awake) and I calculate that I'm the same age as she was when I had my anurysm (boy, spell check would be useful right now). We went to Brigham to see Joe about the bump in my hand and literally 3 hours later I was in Ogden being prepped for surgery. They told her it would take about 2 hours and it wound up being more than 6 hours. She wasn't prepared to sit in a hospital all night, so she didn't even have a book. She just had to sit in a waiting room with nothing to do for 6 hours while I got the nap of my life. Then when I came out of surgery she got to be in the room with me while I recovered from it. Everytime I opened my eyes she was there. There isn't anything she wouldn't have stood by my side through and now it is my turn. I didn't think when I was going through that experience that when I would get to be her age that I would have to sit at her bedside as she died slowly of random organ failure.
Anyway, back to my week. So thursday she wasn't doing well in the afternoon, but when I went back to her room later after talking with mike for awhile she seemed to perk up quite a bit. She said to come back on thursday and she would be better to talk. No problem. I decided to let her get some sleep, so I left and went out in the parking lot. I called my dad to give him the update. That began angst number 1 of this trip. I asked if he was going to come out and see her, but he said he wouldn't. I didn't get that at all. I realize she isn't his wife anymore, but techincally she still is because they didn't get a temple divorce. They were sealed in the temple and that has to count for something. I would break out of prison and swim the Gulf of Mexico to be with Jennifer if she was in this bad of shape, but that isn't what he feels he has to do at this point. I didn't get that and it really made me mad for awhile. I'll get back to that later.
Then I called Jennifer to see how everything was. I talked to the kids for a bit and let them know nana got their letters and she appreciated them.
Oh, wait... I forgot that on Tuesday I called someone in Grace to get Margo's number so I could tell her the situation and give her a chance to talk to her one last time. That happened and I'm glad that she was able to do that. Margo was like a sister to my mom and she really needed the chance to do that. I'm glad she did.
Ok, so I'm talking to Jennifer for a while after talking to my dad and that took up some time. Then I drove to my mom's house and just sort of walked in. It was past midnight at this point, but I couldn't just lay down and go to sleep. Mike got home at some point and showed me down to the basement. that is a really cool place they built down there. we chatted a bit more and he told me I could sleep on the couch. Not the best sleeping couch I've ever been on... they are like theater seats, so you can't really stretch out on it. There are hard arm rests between the chairs, so basically I had to sleep on two theater chairs and not really a couch. it was super late and I was pretty wiped out, so i figured I probably wouldn't notice. Uh, yeah... I noticed. Anyway, I got a couple hours of sleep at least.
The cleaning ladies got there early and I heard more footsteps, so I got up around 8 and went upstairs to see who was there. It was Dustin. Angie, Bryan, and the boys were also there, but they were still asleep. Actually, everybody was there still sleeping.
I talked to dustin for a bit until Allison came over. Honestly my memory of what happened on thursday morning is kind of fuzy. It is about a quarter after 4 now, so maybe that has something to do with it.
When Angie and company got up and about we just sort of hung out at the house for a bit. we took some pictures and reminded each other that we were all still pretty crazy.
Dustin needed to get some work shoes and wanted to visit mom too, so I went with him and we came back to the hospital. She was out of it again like she was when I got here. She hadn't gotten better and had actually gotten worse. She let me give her a blessing though, so that was nice.
we went from there to friendly's, which is kind of a leatherby's type restaraunt. Again, we proved that we were crazy. they started seating people as far from our table as possible. Angie's family, Allison, me, my dad, and barbara were all there. we took more pictures.
We I went back to mom's house with angie and we stayed up talking for way too long. Like way too long... I had work to do still and was hoping to get it done, but tired and accuracy don't mix. I did what I could and went to bed at about 5:30 a.m. I got up around 9:30 when Mike called and said she was worse and it was time to start getting people to the hospita.
Ok, I'm tired. It is a quarter after five now and I'm definitely having a hard time keeping my eyes open. the problem is that her room is like 50 degrees and all the lights are off. Oh, and I'm tired, so there is that...
So Friday comes and we get a call at early thirty (like maybe 9) from Mike that she is worse and it is time to circle the wagons. Everybody needs to find a time to get here if they want to see her. Spoiler alert: it was not quite that time yet. Either way, Angie and I headed to the hospital. Well, after a shower first. I was feeling like a greaseball for sure.
We got here and were able to talk to Mike for a bit about how she is doing as she sort of went in and out of conciousness. The problem now is that her bowels are shutting down due to lack of oxygen and that is a terrible sign. There isn't a recovery for that usually. The kidneys they can work with, but once the digestive tract fails you can start watching the clock because it isn't days anymore.
So now we wait, I guess. The problem is that she is so uncomfortable. At least, that's the problem for me. I know what it is like to just hurt and not be able to do anything about it. I've got the problems in my joints and I know how sucky it is to be laying there and just feel nothing but general pain. It's not pain like 'i've been shot and the bullet hole hurts'. It's pain like 'I've been sunburned all over and everything hurts'. Or 'i've fallen down the stairs and everything hurts' type pain. She is able to say it hurts in her chest and it hurts in her stomach, but that is because there is fluid in her lungs and her intestinal tract is dying. We can continue to bail her out for the rest of her life, but that's no life. Dialysis is pretty hard on the body and long term treatment pretty much wrecks you. The hope is that it will jump start the kidneys, but that hasn't happened yet and probably won't. It doesn't matter anyway because there is no dialysis for your digestion.
Everybody came over Friday night at around 6. It was good to be with everybody and Mike told them all what has been happening and what the options are going forward. We are all really clear on what she wants. The question right now is how long do we let her suffer? If she continues to have organs fail and she is in constant pain and discomfort then Mike is going to have her loaded up with morphine and stop the treatments. She'll be comfortably numb as her lungs fill with fluid and the burden of trying to breathe through that causes her heart to give out and she dies. Not the best way to go, but apparently they don't have key lime pie here.
I stayed with her last night because that is what she would do for me. At around 3 she was pretty alert and we were able to talk. I told her some things that happened in the news and she grasped it all. I know how important being caught up on current events is to her and now she has the scoop. Everytime she opened her eyes and looked around I was able to be right there to get her ice or move her blankets around or do whatever she needed. The nurses only come in when the button is pressed, and there is no reason she should have to do that. It's 7:00 now and other than some 10 minute snoozes I can say I was up with her all night just like she has done for me many times. I didn't do it so I could tell everybody else that I love her more because I was willing to sacrifice sleep to be with her or anything like that. I was able to do it and any one of them would have done the same thing if they were able, but jobs and travel and life makes it hard. If she were in a hospital in Salt Lake then I would have similar restrictions where someone who took off work to fly in wouldn't.
Anyway, I don't feel sadness that her time is here. Two weeks from now I'll be driving to work chatting her ears off. She'll be with our zoo of pets that I know she misses. Theresa will no doubt come to get her and show her around. She has family that she loved so much that is already there waiting for her and she has such an adventure ahead of her. She won't have any of the disabilities that kept her from doing the things she wants to do in this life. She'll be able to not only watch my kids grow up, but she'll be able to be guardian angels to them and to my grand children. She'll be able to see the successes I have that in the past I've only been able to tell her about after the fact. Her trials will be done and all that is left to do is wait for the judges to score her performance. Sure, she made mistakes. A crap ton of them. But so have I and so have you and so has everybody else on this planet. The difference is that she was able to help raise like 10 kids and none of us are in prison. We are well functioning positive contributors to society with jobs and families and pretty amazing memories of our childhoods. The woman that is dying on the bed next to me isn't the same woman who raised be, but she was apparently able to do just as good of a job in this new personality as she was in the old one AND she did it while battling her own body at the same time. I don't want to put her on a pedastal or anything, because she definitely made some pretty bad decisions, but nobody could ask for a better mom. I grew up with the best parents and feel very blessed to have had that experience.
Mom, if they have wifi in heaven and you are reading this, I just want to tell you again that I love you even though I've been an ungrateful SOB. (kind of a backhanded compliment now that I think about what an SOB is, but you know what I mean) You were the best mom you could be with a kid as challenging as I was. You worked your ass off to try and keep me on the path to something good. I know I disapointed you on a fairly regular basis, but in the end I think you did a pretty good job and I turned out OK. Do me a favor though. I don't want you following me around too closely. I still make mistakes on a daily basis and I don't really want you to see me disappoint you again. Even if it isn't possible for you to be disappointed anymore, I'll feel like I've disappointed myself. I'll let you know when I need to talk to you and get some advice, but for the most part, try to just turn your head when I'm about to do something wrong. That will help me. And please watch my kids. I would love for you to be a guardian angel for them and do whatever it is you are allowed to do. Don't haunt their apartments or anything, but enjoy watching them grow up and be the litle 'mini-me's of Jennifer and I that they are turning out to be. They are good kids and my only regret right now is that you didn't get to know them better. I understand why and I get it, but just like I missed my opportunity to get to know Mike (who is really a great guy, by the way) or his other kids, I think there have been some definite misses that we both could have done better to avoid. Anyway, you know what I'm saying. Go watch them when I'm about to cut someone off in traffic because I guarantee you that they will be more fun to watch than me. :) Say hi to everybody for me. Give Riki and Cookie and Sissy and everybody lots of loves for me. Get to know some of the pets I don't have yet and tell them to be nice to me. :) I'll see you again soon and I know everything with work itself out. I'm looking forward to being a family again. I'll miss you, but I know you aren't gone. I'm so glad you don't have to suffer anymore. It has to be absolutely amazing.
Last days with my mom
on Saturday, August 20, 2016Watch Box Modification
on Thursday, March 24, 2016I just had to post this because I'm really proud of it. 
I've got a few automatic watches that need to stay wound and the rest are mostly Citizen Eco Drives. We are fixing to move right now, so the watch box lost it's place on the dresser since we had to pack that up when we took pictures of the house to sell. So now the box is under the bed. That is generally fine, but the eco drives need light to charge the batteries. I take the box out every once in awhile and let it sit under a lamp while I'm at work, but I just wish there was a way to keep them charged without having to leave the box out. In the new house I should have a place for them, but it is possible that place will be in a walk-in closet without constant light. My wife has this minimalist streak in her and I can see her banishing the box somewhere it isn't in the way.
I started thinking about how I could get a light in the box to charge the Citizens. I found an LED strip with a USB cord on ebay for like 3 bucks and it gave me a great idea. I stripped the rubber off the cord to reveal the positive and negative wires on the LED and pulled up the winder part of the watch box to expose the motors. Then I spliced the LEDs into one of the motors. The motors only turn on intermittently for a short time before turning off again, so since I spliced the lights in to the motor that means the light will come on when the motors do, thus avoiding having a glowing watch box all the time. It works marvelously!! I stuck the strip of LEDs on the top of the lid and ran the wires down between the box and the level of the winders and I think it looks pretty clean. People would see the lights if they opened the box, but who is really doing that other than me anyway? I think it is a perfect solution for a goofball problem.
Pretty slick, eh? Anytime you can solve a problem with $3 and 10 minutes worth of stripping wires and splicing them together I say it is a win. I may actually order a second one to wrap around the other side and bottom just so it is uniform all the way around the lid. It will be bright as hell, but it will be intermittent and won't be anywhere that it bothers me.
12 Motorcycle Myths
on Thursday, May 17, 2012
The Deadly Dozen: 12 Motorcycle Safety Myths and Misconceptions
When
science meets urban legend and imperfect logic, some of the "facts"
motorcyclists think they "know" about motorcycle safety, crashes, and
riding turn out to be dangerous myths and misconceptions. From the
February 2006 issue of Motorcycle Cruiser
From the February, 2009 issue of Motorcycle Cruiser
Get
a group of motorcyclists talking about crashes and safety, and you will
almost certainly hear some of them—popular misconceptions, incorrect
assumptions, urban legends, and intuitive explanations about motorcycle
safety that turn out to be wrong when you actually check out the facts.
The problem is that believing these misconceptions can increase your
chances of being involved in an accident or getting hurt when you do
crash.
Maybe you know BS when you hear it, but maybe
you have heard some myths repeated so often or by people whose expertise
you respect that you think they are actually true. Unfortunately, there
are a lot of motorcyclists who do believe them. We thought that some of
these fallacies should be brought out into the light of day so that
riders have the right information upon which to make informed
riding-safety decisions. We also hope it will keep more motorcyclists
from repeating such misconceptions to riders who turn to them for
advice.
These are the Deadly Dozen, the motorcycle safety myths and urban legends ones that we hear most frequently.
Myth 1: Other Drivers Don't Care About Motorcyclists It may seem hard to believe at times, but other drivers almost never actually want to hit you. Most of those near-misses come about because they don't always know you are there, even when you are right in front of them, seemingly in plain view. You can be obscured or completely hidden by glare, by other things on or along the road, by the cars roof pillars, the handicap hangtag, or by other traffic. Of course, not all drivers "think motorcycles" and make the effort to look that extra bit harder to see if there might be a motorcyclist hidden by that obscuration or in their blind spot.
Instead of assuming
that they will ignore you even when they see you, you should help make
it easier for drivers to spot you, especially as the population ages and
more drivers have greater difficulty in picking you out. To overcome
the fact that you might be hard to see and harder to notice, wear bright
colors, especially on your helmet and jacket. Run your high beam during
the day. Think about things that can hide you and your bike from other
drivers, things that can be as common as the sun behind you, the car
ahead in the next lane, or a couple of roadside poles that line up on
the driver's line of sight toward you. Make an effort to ride in or move
to a location where drivers with potentially conflicting courses can
see you before they stray your way.
Myth 2: Loud Pipes Save Lives Yeah, there are a few situations—like where you are right next to a driver with his window down who is about the to change lanes—where full-time noise-makers might help a driver notice you, but all that noise directed rearward doesn't do much in the most common and much more dangerous conflict where a car turns in front of you. Maybe it's the fatigue caused by the noise, maybe it's the attitudes of riders who insist on making annoying noise, or perhaps loud bikes annoy enough drivers to make them aggressive. Whatever the reason, the research shows that bikes with modified exhaust systems crash more frequently than those with stock pipes. If you really want to save lives, turn to a loud jacket or a bright helmet color, which have been proven to do the job. Or install a louder horn. Otherwise, just shut up. Myth 3: Motorcycle Helmets Break Necks It seems logical—you put more weight out there on the end of your neck and when you get thrown off the bike, that extra weight will create more pendulum force on your neck. Turns out, it doesn't work that way. In fact, the energy-absorbing qualities of a DOT motorcycle helmet also absorb the energy that breaks riders' necks in impacts. Studies show that helmeted motorcyclists actually suffer fewer neck injuries when they crash compared to riders who crash without helmets. Myth 4: Helmets Block Your Ability to See or Hear Danger The thing you learn when you dig into the research is that motorcycle riders who use helmets crash less frequently than those who don't. Maybe that happens because motorcyclists who decide to wear helmets have a better or more realistic attitude about riding. Maybe it's because putting on a helmet is a reminder that what you are about to do can be dangerous and the act of accepting protection puts you in the right mindset. Maybe it's because a helmet provides eye protection and cuts down wind noise so you can actually see and hear better. Maybe its because, by cutting wind pressure and noise, a helmet reduces fatigue. Whatever the reasons, wearing a helmet clearly does not increase a motorcyclist's risk of having an accident and wearing one correlates to reduced likelihood of an accident. Myth 5: A Helmet Won't Help in Most Crashes People look at the seemingly low impact speeds used in motorcycle-helmet testing and assume that if you are going faster than that, the helmet will no longer be up to the job. That ignores a few critical facts: Myth 6: A Helmet Will Leave You Brain Damaged in an Crash When You Would Have Simply Died Of course that's possible—your helmet attenuates the impact energy enough to keep the injury from being fatal but not enough to keep all of your eggs from getting scrambled. However, that's rare, and if you hit that hard, you are likely to get killed by some other injury. It's actually the un-helmeted rider who is likely to cross from animal to vegetable kingdom, and often from a relatively minor impact that would have damaged nothing but his ego if he'd been wearing a DOT helmet. Myth 7: A Skilled Rider Should Be Able to Handle Almost Any Situation The sharpest, most skilled motorcyclist in the world isn't going to be up to the task when a car turns or pulls out in front of him a short distance ahead and stops directly in his path broadside. Believing that your superior skills will keep you of trouble is a pipe dream, even if they are as good as you think. No matter how skilled you are, it's better to ride to avoid situations that can turn ugly. Slow down, scan farther ahead, and think strategically. And dress for the crash. Myth 8: If You Are Going to Crash, Lay It Down I suspect this line was developed by riders to explain why they ended up flat-side-down while trying to avoid a crash. They over-braked or otherwise lost control, then tried to explain the crash away as intentional and tried to make it sound like it wasn't a crash at all. Maybe motorcycle brakes once were so bad that you could stop better off your bike while sliding or tumbling. If so, that hasn't been true for decades. You can scrub off much more speed before and there be going slower at impact with effective braking than you will sliding down the road on your butt. And if you are still on the bike, you might get thrown over the car you collide with, avoiding an impact with your body. If you slide into a car while you are on the ground, you either have a hard stop against it or end up wedged under it. Remember that the phrase "I laid 'er down to avoid a crash" is an oxymoron, often repeated by some other kind of moron.  The only events where being on the ground might leave you better off are: 1) on an elevated roadway where going over the guardrail will cause you to fall a long way, or 2) in that situation you see occasionally in movies, where the motorcyclist slides under a semi trailer without touching it. That's a good trick if the truck is moving. Myth 9: One Beer Won't Hurt Maybe not while you are drinking it, but if you get on your motorcycle after that, the effects of a single beer can get you hurt for life. No matter how unaffected you are sure you are, all the studies say differently. You increase your risk to yourself and to others when you drink and hit the road. Also, as you age, your metabolism slows down, and those "coupla drinks" you had last night may still be affecting you when you hit the road the next morning. Myth 10: It's Better to Stay in Your Lane than Split Lanes In most parts of the world, motorcycles split lanes all the time, everywhere traffic is heavy. Here in the U.S., people often act as if lane-splitting is insane. But when someone actually studied it in the only place in the U.S. where it's legal (California), they discovered it's actually slightly safer than staying in the lane in heavy, slow-moving traffic. Still many motorcyclists berate others who do it, when they should in fact be endorsing it. Myth 11: I'm Safer on the Street than on an Interstate The thinking here must be that slower is safer, but that's only really true after the accident begins. Controlled-access roadways are inherently safer because all the traffic is going the same way, and there are no side streets from which someone can pop into your path, no pedestrians, and, often, less roadside "furniture" to hit if you depart the roadway. Running down the road at 70 mph side-by-sidewall with the whirling wheels of a semi may feel hairy, but you are actually safer than at half that speed on a city street or even a country road. Myth 12: A Skilled Rider Can Stop Better with Conventional Brakes than with Anti-Lock Brakes Extensive testing done recently disproves this popular notion. Even on clean, dry, flat pavement, skilled, experienced riders (who did hundreds of panic stops for the testing on outrigger-equipped motorcycles) stopped in less distance with anti-lock brakes (ABS) than with conventional or linked braking systems. Though the tests didn't include samples on surfaces with slick, dirty or wet spots, ABS certainly would have performed even better under those conditions while eliminating much of the risk of crashing.
The other cool thing about ABS on
a motorcycle is that allows you to safely practice panic stops without
risking a crash caused by lock-up.
Anyway, the next time tells you that he had to "lay it down" or that green bikes crash more than purple ones, you can nod and snicker internally or challenge them. Just don't base your own riding choices on what other people assume unless their is some solid science to back it up. For more information on safe-riding equipment, strategies, techniques and skills, see the Street Survival section of MotorcycleCruiser.com. |
pretty sweet video...
on Friday, May 11, 2012I love the MysteryGuitarMan... I follow his videos and he always comes up with the best freaking stuff!
So as I do every few weeks, I was just cruising eBay
for anything Boulevard M50 related. I came across this auction a mere
hour before time ran out on it. It was for a sissy bar and luggage rack off an '09 Boulevard M50. There was only one picture of it and ridiculously few details. You can see the auction here still probably.
So I post a quick question here to find out if the '09 will fit an '06
and get a fast answer that it will. I even double checked with the
dealer and they said it would too. So I threw down a bid of $60 at
about the 45 second mark. I'm a notorious sniper and that is how I win
most of my auctions if I have the chance. I hate giving people the
chance to run me up. 
Fast forward a couple days and UPS brings me a box to my office. I open
it up and start taking out the pieces. This seems to be a lot higher
quality than I expected from a $51 sissy bar. Then I notice the back of
the seat rest.
Holy %%%%...! It's a Paladin back rest with luggage rack
and quick release brackets! That's like a $500 setup!!! It even seems
to have all of the hardware and the key to the quick release!
Now I'm torn as to whether I keep it or flip it! lol It was purchased
on a whim. I didn't even have the $50 bucks to pay for it yet. I put
one of my vintage Metallica shirts up on ebay
the next day and sold it for $50 bucks to cover the cost of the
backrest. lol Gotta love vintage stuff... Anyway, I'm pretty stoked.
My only dilemma is what I am going to do with it now. I have never had
a passenger on my bike in my entire life of riding. I took the rear
pegs off my bike three years ago just for a cleaner look and because I
wasn't even using a pillion anyway. But now I've got my saddle bags
on because it helps me carry my lunch to work with me, so I put the
pillion back on and figure I'd complete the look with a sissy bar. I'm
just so happy that I didn't have to get a cut rate unit just because I
went the cheap route. Every now and then eBay shocks and amazes me... This was a total crap shoot and I hit the friggin' jackpot on this one!
There is hardly a scratch on this thing. I can't believe the owner had
it on their bike for very long at all. Based on the other things this
seller sells, it must have been either a repo or an auction sale,
because nobody who shells out the kind of money this kind of thing costs
would have let it go for $50 bucks and not even charged shipping. It
probably cost 25 or 30 bucks just to get it to me. More likely is that he is just a dealership and parts out the accessories that he doesn't want to give away with the bike when he sells that for book value.
It seriously only took like 5 minutes to install. I did it in the parking lot
at work with just the same allen key that I used to put the rest of it
together. It pops the bags out enough that they don't even come close
to rubbing. The only issue I might have is them flapping a bit because
they aren't tied down to anything right now. I'll have to look into
solutions for that, but right now I don't even feel compelled to get
longer bolts to fit the braces.
The other bonus is that since it is a quick release bracket it leaves these knobs that look just like my Cobra bungee knobs that I had on before I put the saddle bag supports on. So if I wanted to strap something down over the pillion without the backrest on, it would be a piece of cake.
I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with this. I've never had anyone on the back of my bike before, but I remember how much I loved getting on my grandpa's bike when I was little. It didn't happen very often at all, but man was it fun. My kids would absolutely love a ride on this thing, and now that I have the backrest on it, I feel much less fear that they would fall off.
Wonka was a poet...
on Thursday, May 10, 2012From the following site: http://home.comcast.net/~tom.brodhead/wonka.htm
Quotations and Literary Allusions spoken by Willy Wonka in the 1971 film,
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
by Thomas M. Brodhead
HugeWonkaFan@yahoo.com
First things first: Aaron Villa's wonderful transcript of the film (left-click to view, or right-click to download.)
When Quaker Oats (yes, the Quaker Oats company!) decided to adapt Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for film, Roald Dahl was asked to write the screenplay. Dahl produced a fairly literal translation of his book that was deemed unacceptable by the studio executives. The young writer and script doctor David Seltzer was then asked to "improve" Dahl's script. The result was a recalibration of Dahl's story with many significant changes (e.g. rival chocolatier Slugworth became a central character in the film as a tempter of the children, etc.) More importantly, Wonka was cast in a darker light, with an ambiguous stance toward the children (as opposed to the sprightly and somewhat avuncular candyman of Dahl's conception.)
In the finished script, Wonka's dialogue is peppered with literary quotations and allusions not found in Dahl's book. They were all introduced by David Seltzer as part of his rewrite of Dahl's screenplay. (Does anyone have a copy of Dahl's original screenplay? Please contact me...)
Below is a listing of every line from Wonka's dialogue that I have been able to trace to an external source. Most of the quotations are from Shakespeare, two come from Ogden Nash, the others from various sources. If you know of other quotations in Wonka's dialogue, or if you'd simply like to rap about Wonka, the Genius of Gene Wilder, or anything else under the sun, please contact me at HugeWonkaFan@yahoo.com
[While opening the combination lock]
WONKA: 99...44...100 percent pure
Obvious reference: the Ivory Soap ad line
Not-so-obvious reference: Poetry and aphorisms by Ogden Nash are quoted elsewhere by Wonka, suggesting that Seltzer was familiar with Nash's output. It is perhaps not a coincidence that one of Nash's poems is:
Home, 99 44/100% Sweet Home
by Ogden Nash [1902-1971]
Home is heaven and orgies are vile,
But I like an orgy, once in a while.
[In the room behind the combination lock door]
WONKA: Is it my soul that calls upon my name?
from Romeo and Juliet
by William Shakespeare [1564-1616]
Act II, Scene 2 [balcony scene]
ROMEO
It is my soul that calls upon my name:
How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night,
Like softest music to attending ears!
[In the doorway-filled hallway that becomes increasingly smaller]
WONKA: Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.
The Microbe
by Hilaire Belloc [1870-1953]
The Microbe is so very small
You cannot make him out at all,
But many sanguine people hope
To see him through a microscope.
His jointed tongue that lies beneath
A hundred curious rows of teeth;
His seven tufted tails with lots
Of lovely pink and purple spots,
On each of which a pattern stands,
Composed of forty separate bands;
His eyebrows of a tender green;
All these have never yet been seen--
But Scientists, who ought to know,
Assure us that they must be so...
Oh! let us never, never doubt
What nobody is sure about!
[At the chocolate river, watching Augustus Gloop trapped in the pipe]
WONKA: The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last.
from The Importance of Being Earnest, Act III
by Oscar Wilde [1854-1900]
GWENDOLEN:
The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
[To Mrs. Gloop as she is led off by Oompah Loompahs]
WONKA: Nihil desperandum, dear lady.
Source: not an improbable Latin expression, but compare:[My thanks to Nick Lambert for hitting on this.]
Odes (I, 7, 27)
by Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus) [65-8 B.C.]
quo nos cumque feret melior fortuna parente,
ibimus--o socii comitesque,
nil desperandum Teucro duce et auspice Teucro:
certus enim promisit Apollo
(Translation:)
Where Fortune bears us, than my sire more kind,
There let us go, my own, my gallant crew.
'Tis Teucer leads, 'tis Teucer breathes the wind;
No more despair; Apollo's word is true."
[Continuing, to Mrs. Gloop as she is led off by Oompah Loompahs]
WONKA: Across the desert lies the promised land.
Source: probably popular, but compare:
The Dance of Life, Chapter 3
by Havelock Ellis [1859-1939]
The Promised Land always lies on the other side of a wilderness
[Boarding the Wonkatania]
WONKA: All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by.
from Sea Fever
by John Masefield [1878-1967]
I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick, and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a gray mist on the sea's face, and a grey dawn breaking.
I must down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call which may not be denied.
And all I ask is a windy day with white clouds flying,
And flung spray and blown spume, and the seagulls crying.
I must down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way, and the whale's way, where the wind's like a whetted knife.
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow rover,
And a quite sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.
[Before the Wonkatania enters the dark tunnel]
WONKA: 'Round the world and home again, that's the sailor's way!
from Homeward Bound
by William Allingham [1828-1889]
Head the ship for England!
Shake out every sail!
Blithe leap the billows,
Merry sings the gale.
Captain, work the reckoning;
How many knots a day? -
Round the world and home again,
That's the sailor's way!
[Upon the completion of the Wonkatania ride]
WONKA: A small step for mankind, but a giant step for us.
Neil Armstrong [b. 1930]
One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.
[Mixing a concoction in the Invention Room]
WONKA: Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, six percent electricity, four percent evaporation, and two percent butterscotch ripple.
Thomas Edison [1847-1931]
Genius is one percent inspiration, and ninety-nine percent perspiration.
[On a bicycle in the Inventing Room]
WONKA (singing):
In springtime, the only pretty ring time
Birds sing, hey ding
A-ding, a-ding
Sweet lovers love the spring--
from As You Like It, Act V, Scene 3[Here Shakespeare is quoting the popular Celtic ballad, "It was a lover and his lass"]
by William Shakespeare [1564-1616]
SONG
It was a lover and his lass,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,
That o'er the green cornfield did pass,
In the springtime, the only pretty ring time,
When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding;
Sweet lovers love the spring.
[In the inventing room, to Mr. Salt]
WONKA: Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Reflections on Ice-Breaking
by Ogden Nash [1902-1971]
Candy
Is Dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
[After Violet has been rolled away to the juicing room]
WONKA: Where is fancy bred? In the heart, or in the head? Shall we roll on?
[Note the pun on "bred" (homophone: bread) and roll (homonym, e.g. dinner roll)]
from The Merchant of Venice, Act III, Scene 2
by William Shakespeare [1564-1616]
SONG
Tell me where is Fancy bred,
Or in the heart or in the head?
How begot, how nourished?
Reply, reply.
It is engender'd in the eyes,
With gazing fed; and Fancy dies
In the cradle where it lies.
Let us all ring Fancy's knell:
I'll begin it,
Ding, dong, bell.
Ding, dong, bell.
[In the hallway with lickable wallpaper]
WONKA: We are the music-makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
from Ode
by Arthur O'Shaughnessy [1844-1881]
We are the music-makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams.
World-losers and world-forsakers,
Upon whom the pale moon gleams;
Yet we are the movers and shakers,
Of the world forever, it seems.
With wonderful deathless ditties
We build up the world's great cities,
And out of a fabulous story
We fashion an empire's glory:
One man with a dream, at pleasure,
Shall go forth and conquer a crown;
And three with a new song's measure
Can trample an empire down.
We, in the ages lying
In the buried past of the earth,
Built Nineveh with our sighing,
And Babel itself with our mirth;
And o'erthrew them with prophesying
To the old of the new world's worth;
For each age is a dream that is dying,
Or one that is coming to birth.
[Introducing fizzy lifting drinks]
WONKA: Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, but not a drop to drink.
from The Rime of the Ancient Mariner[Note that this line is commonly misquoted as "Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink"; Wonka's line is a transformation of the common misquotation.]
by Samuel Taylor Coleridge [1772-1834]
Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.
[Explaining the Eggdicator]
WONKA: A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
Bartlett's Quotations lists this as Anonymous, but suggests a possible source in:Also compare:
Letter to Sir Horace Mann, 1774
by Horace Walpole [1717-1797]
A careless song, with a little nonsense in it now and then,
does not misbecome a monarch.
Carmina (IV, 12, 27)This would suggest that Horace Walpole was alluding to the Classical Horace in his letter to Horace Mann.
by Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus) [65-8 B.C.]
Misce stultitiam consiliis brevem: Dulce est desipere in loco.
(Translation: Mingle a little folly with your wisdom; a little nonsense now and then is pleasant.)
(What are the odds of that happening?)
[Introducing the Wonkamobile]
WONKA: A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
from Endymion, Book 1
by John Keats [1795-1821]
A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.
[At the Wonkamobile, explaining to Grandpa Joe the engine's fuel]
WONKA: ...bubble cola, double cola, double bubble burp-a-cola...
[This isn't a quote per se, but seems to echo another line from the bard]
from Macbeth, Act IV, Scene 1
by William Shakespeare [1564-1616]
WITCHES
Double, double, toil and trouble;
Fire, burn; and caldron, bubble.
[During the Wonkamobile ride]
WONKA: Swifter than eagles...stronger than lions...
from The Bible: 2 Samuel 1:23
Saul and Jonathan were lovely and pleasant in their lives,
and in their death they were not divided:
they were swifter than eagles, they were stronger than lions
[During the Wonkamobile ride]
WONKA [singing]:
Martha! Martha! Du entschwandest,
Und mein Glück nahmst du mit dir;
Gib mir wieder, was du fandest,
Oder teile es mit mir
[Translation:
Martha! Martha! You have Vanished
My Happiness you took with you
Give me back what you found,
or share it with me.]
from the opera Martha[Many thanks to Andrew Parker for help with the translation, locating the complete libretto, and the identifying the true surname and dates of the librettist]
by Friedrich von Flotow [1812-1883]
Libretto by Wilhelm Friedrich Riese [1805?-1879]
[In the Wonkavision room, advising Mike Teavee]
WONKA: You should open your mouth a little wider when you speak.
from Through the Looking-Glass, And What Alice Found There[My thanks to Nina Choudhary for hitting on this.]
by Lewis Carroll [1832-1898]
Chapter II: The Garden of Live Flowers
[The Red Queen, advising Alice:]
"It's time for you to answer now," the Queen said, looking at her watch:
"open your mouth a little wider when you speak, and always say 'your Majesty.'"
[To Mrs. Teavee as she is dragged away by Oompah Loompahs]
WONKA: Parting is such sweet sorrow
from Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene 2
by William Shakespeare [1564-1616]
JULIET
Good Night, Good night!
Parting is such sweet sorrow,
that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
[Angrily to Grandpa Joe, reading the contract signed by the children]
WONKA: ...fax mentis incendium gloriae...
Variously translated:
"The incitement to Glory is the Torch of the Mind"
"The torch of glory kindles the mind"
"The flame of glory is the torch of the mind"
This Latin motto belongs to the family of Hastings-Forbes, Earls of Granard. The Earldom was created in 1675, so presumably the motto was adopted around that time. It has been used many times since, and now is used as a motto by many secondary schools and colleges around the world.
[Continuing reading the contract to Grandpa Joe]
WONKA: ...memo bis punitor delicatum...
As Latin, this is gibberish. However, if Seltzer was mistaken in his Latin, or if Wilder read the line wrong, then a more probable source text would be:
Memo(r) bis punitur delictum
Simply translated:
"I am mindful (that) the crime is punished twice [or in two ways]."
[Many thanks to Chuck Crane, visitor to this site, for this suggestion.]
[To himself, holding the Everlasting Gobstopper that Charlie has left on his desk]
WONKA: So shines a good deed in a weary world.
from The Merchant of Venice, Act V, Scene 1[Note that David Seltzer changed the crucial word "naughty" to "weary", giving the line more relevance in the context of the story, e.g. Wonka is weary of the horrible character of most people.]
by William Shakespeare [1564-1616]
PORTIA
That light we see is burning in my hall.
How far that little candle throws his beams!
So shines a good deed in a naughty world.
[This is spoken not by Wonka, but by the Tinker whom Charlie encounters outside the gates to the factory on his way home from school.]
TINKER: Up the airy mountain, down the rushing glen, we dare not go a-hunting, for fear of little men.
from The Fairies
William Allingham [1824-1889]
Up the airy mountain
Down the rushy glen,
We daren't go a-hunting,
For fear of little men;
Wee folk, good folk,
Trooping all together;
Green jacket, red cap,
And white owl's feather.
Down along the rocky shore
Some make their home,
They live on crispy pancakes
Of yellow tide-foam;
Some in the reeds
Of the black mountain-lake,
With frogs for their watch-dogs,
All night awake.
[There have been numerous requests for the text to the contract signed by the children at the beginning of the film. Here are the opening paragraphs, to the best of my visual abilities:]
WHEREAS The management cannot be held responsible for any accidents, incidents, loss of property or life or limb.
And
WHEREAS For damage caused by lightning, earthquakes, floods, fire, frost or frippery of any sort, kind or condition, consequently the undersigned take responsibility.
WHEREAS During the term of this Agreement you will become and remain, at your sole cost and expense and at our request, a member in good standing of any then properly designated labor unions, guilds, or other organizations, as defined and determined under the applicable law, pertaining persons performing services of the type and the character to be performed here and hereunder. Nothing herein contained shall be deemed to require the violation of any written agreement executed between us and any such labor union, guild or other organization which may be in effect at the time of the execution of this agreement, and wherever there is any conflict between the provisions of this agreement and any other, the latter shall prevail, but in such event, the provisions of this agreement so affected shall be curtailed and limited only to the events necessary to permit compliance with such payment of any additional compensation it shall be at the minimum that is permitted thereunder.
[The next paragraph is difficult to make out; anyone out there with the patience and visual acuity to take a stab at it?]
WHEREAS to the extent that...
...payment hereunder exceeds applicable guild minimum...
...excess to the fullest...
...to extent permitted by any applicable...agreement,...
...shall be credited by any against any additional payment that may have to be made...
...to said guild agreement and shall be applied...
...or any additional rights that can be required...
...payment pursuant to said guild...
...should the provision of any labor union or...
...require the execution of any agreement for you...
It's commonly known among Wonka fans that Veruca's name is actually the taxonomic name for a wart. Spelled with a double "r", the three most typical human warts are the Common Wart (verruca vulgaris), the Plantar Wart (verruca plantaris), and the Flat Wart (verruca plana).
But John Edgar, visitor to this site, has hit on another hidden medical joke among the nomenclature of the characters in the film. When Violet Beauregarde is interviewed on T.V. upon discovering a Golden Ticket, she exclaims:
Now this piece of gum here is one I've been chewing for three months solid, and that's a world record. It's beaten the record held by my best friend Miss Cornelia Prinzmetel, and was she mad! Hi, Cornelia, how are you sweetie?Prinzmetal's Angina, or coronary artery spasm, is an uncommon condition seen in both men and women. Episodes of typical (though severe) angina are triggered when one of the major coronary arteries suddenly goes into spasm, temporarily shutting off blood flow.
Note that as with Veruca's name, one letter has been changed. (The name and dialogue are taken directly from Dahl's book, and were not an addition to the film by Seltzer.)
Eric D. Wolf, another visitor to this site, has pointed out that Mrs. Salt's first name in Dahl's book is Angina, a coronary spasm condition similar to Prinzmetal's Angina. This is more proof that Cornelia's last name was most likely not chosen at random!
Top Ten Reasons Bikers Might Not Wave
on Wednesday, May 2, 2012Top Ten Reasons Why Harley Riders Don't Wave Back
10. Afraid it will invalidate warranty
9. Leather and studs make it too heavy to raise arm
8. Refuse to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for
7. Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off
6. Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos
5. Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley
4. Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized H-D is partially owned by Honda
3. Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else
2. Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet
1. They're too tired from spending hours polishing all that chrome to lift their arms.
Top Ten Reasons Why Gold Wing Riders Riders Don't Wave Back
10. Wasn't sure whether other rider was waving or making an obscene gesture
9. Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip
8. Has arthritis and the past 400 miles have made it difficult to raise arm
7. Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him
6. The espresso machine just finished
5. Was actually asleep when other rider waved
4. Was in a three-way conference call with stockbroker and accessories dealer
3. Was distracted by odd shaped blip on radar screen
2. Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature, and satellite
navigation system
1. Couldn't find the "auto wave back" button on dashboard
Top Ten Reasons Why Sportbikers Riders Riders Don't Wave Back
10. They have not been riding long enough to know they're supposed to
9. They're going too fast to have time enough to register the movement and respond
8. You weren't wearing bright enough gear
7. If they stick their arm out going that fast they'll rip it out of the socket
6. They're too occupied with trying to get rid of their chicken strips
5. They look way too cool with both hands on the bars or they don't want to unbalance themselves while standing on the tank
4. Their skin tight-Kevlar-ballistic-nylon-kangaroo-leather suits prevent any position other than fetal
3. Raising an arm allows bugs into the armholes of their tank tops
2. It's too hard to do one-handed stoppies
1. They were too busy slipping their flip-flop back on
Top Ten Reasons Why BMW Riders Riders Don't Wave Back
10. New Aerostich suit too stiff to raise arm
9. Removing a hand from the bars is considered "bad form."
8. Your bike isn't weird enough looking to justify acknowledgment.
7. Too sore from an 800-mile day on a stock "comfort" seat.
6. Too busy programming the GPS, monitoring radar, listening to iPod, XM, and talking on the cell phone.
5. He's an Iron Butt rider and you're not!
4. Wires from Gerbings is too short.
3. You're not riding the "right kind" of BMW.
2. You haven't been properly introduced.
1. Afraid it will be misinterpreted as a friendly gesture.
Top Ten Reasons Why Dual Purpose Riders Don't Wave Back
10. Off road elbow guards, chest protector, fanny pack, drink system binds them up.
9. Bark busters and gummy grips slows the hand from raising quickly.
7. Just can't take time out from doing that 10 mile wheelie through traffic.
9. He's passing street bikes off road on the right @ 60mph through the trees & rocks.
6. Too busy checking his enduro roll chart doing mental time/mile math so he wont blow the next check point.
5. Can't see other bikers through his 20 layers of tear off's.
4. The dude only recognizes Honda's with every after market race part known to man.
3. His killer 2 inch tall knobies vibrate so bad vision is obscured.
2. The chin guard on his full face helmet sticks out so much it blocks his view.
1. He's got his Mauna Kea 200 race face on and can't be bothered.
Top Ten Reasons Why Moped & Ruckus Riders Don't Wave Back
10. Scared ****less to remove a hand from the bar's.
9.Never road this fast on a two wheel anything before.
8. Full focus three inches from front tire.
7. Freaked out on the extreme right side of the road dogging broken beer bottles and car accident trash.
6. Don't want to lose their grocery's in plastic bags hanging from the bar's.
5. Won't deter from the full attention military riding position.
4. Their mother & grandmother told them it was very, very dangerous.
3. Think it's hoodlum stunt riding.
2. Don't want to chance getting a reckless driving ticket.
1. 25 mph is too damn fast to try something stupid like that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
